Being Accepting Isn't Enough

“We should all become better by learning to accept the differences in others just as we have come to accept the differences in ourselves.”

Sound advice, no doubt…Yet it is also pretty obvious. What if, in addition to accepting our differences, we instead decided to seek out the differences so they may be celebrated? For progress stops when the obvious because the mundane and the mundane becomes enough. There is so much more lurking within our differences than we will ever know if we stop at acceptance and fail to progress to the second phase of humanity…celebration.

Whether we realize it or not, the world celebrates the unique. It reaps its bounty on the differences that make us stand out. Evolutionary scholars argue that uniqueness, by habit or by simple chance, can alter an entire species as the peculiar becomes desired and thus becomes the norm after generations and generations of celebrating variety. The Bible urges us to praise our individuality. “God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.” And even Mother Teresa proclaims, “We must never be afraid to be a sign of contradiction for the world.” If everyone is in agreement that variety / uniqueness / individuality is something in which to rejoice, why then are we seemingly afraid to not only openly celebrate our differences, but to celebrate them within ourselves? Fear.

Fear is something we learn, often by being taught, as those who come before us struggle to find ways to keep us safe and free of pain. Our elders usually don’t do this with great foresight, or with any level of maliciousness, and they do it nonetheless. Often, a peculiar child will venture out on his own, to seek excitement away from the familiar. And as so it goes with the novice liver of life, a peculiar child will get hurt as he experiences places and feelings unknown. And as hurt children always do, he will seek solace and comfort back at the place that is ordinary and safe, home. As this child returns to seek comfort and attention to his wounds, we as providers have one of two options, and we all too often choose the wrong one. At this moment, we must refrain from what may be a very human instinct, to scold the child for venturing out on his own. Yes, the easy path is scolding and invoking fear so we can be certain the child will associate leaving the nest, being unique, with pain and thus, never be hurt again. It is indeed easy, and it is indeed lazy. Rather, what if, after providing a safe place for the child to recover, we then listened to the excitement and joy and wonder he experienced just prior to the pain, and celebrated that feeling as something to behold? Perhaps then we, as the peculiar children we all are, might not instinctively fear the unknown. Perhaps then we might not hide our desires to venture out. Perhaps then we might caste out the shadow with light and wonder and joy before it is allowed to take root.

This plan of action is all well and good, but what good is it for those of us already out on our own. What good is it for those of us already instinctively afraid of pain? I say to all of us, it is of no use. Other than knowledge on how to make the change so that those in our care might not have the same fate as we. And still, what hope is there for those of us wanting to be more, to show our true selves to the world? I say to all of us, there is nothing but hope. For fear is what keeps us hidden within the shell we, and the world, have decided the world wants to see. Fear is what keeps us locked within a caste set upon us years and years ago. And fear is the only reason you are not living your truest life. I also say to all of us, that fear is very much warranted. It has been proven to us time and time again…fear keeps us from being hurt. That fear is constantly being reinforced by our internal struggle between conformity and individuality. For in all of us two opposites exist at all times.

We all want someone to understand us, our true, hidden selves. We all long for that one person who accepts us for who we are, our gifts and our curses, our pureness and our deceitfulness, our very real and human aspects. And still we push away the opportunity for others to find the same in us. We chastise those who are different than we are. We mock and ridicule those we do not understand. We refuse to accept their peculiarities as anything more than an abomination to what we already know. In short, we do not accept those we do not understand while fearing the parts of ourselves their uniqueness makes us see.

So, yes, by all means, let’s work harder to simply accept others who are different. Let’s work harder to accept those who live a life beyond what we can understand. Let’s work harder to accept that the discomfort we feel when they show themselves to us is really rooted within us, and not within them. And all the while let us make a real effort to learn about the things we do not understand within our fellow human beings. Let us take the time, and energy, to listen, and ask, and communicate with those who haven’t had their uniqueness taken from them. Let us seek out the peculiar, and reward them with our attention, and our intrigue. Let us all learn to celebrate us all, and rejoice those who are not afraid to be a contradiction for the world.

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